Ramblings of a Lyricist

A place for me to write, about my day, about my thoughts, the stories and songs and poems that come from my mind or that inspire me.

The Strange effect of homelessness within reason

I am technically homeless. No,I'm not living in my car or a cardboard box. But I don't have an address that is mine, or a place that I live in surrounded by my things and belongings and furniture. I am living on the grace of friends. And well, I'm not happy about it. But, logically it's the only thing I can do right now. I live paycheck by paycheck and by the time I've fueled up the beast, I barely have enough to go on for the week, much less to put back or toward a rent payment. Yes, I know that it is my fault for not finding a new job, and on that front, I've decided to stay here through the summer. which was the original plan, unless of course, they cut my hours again. Which btw has been mentioned. So far, no follow through on that though. The truth is that moving to a new job in the middle of the summer is not my idea of a good time, not when I get the day off pretty much whenever I want/need it. I don't take advantage of this very often, because I don't want to lose the privilege and or the money, but it's there. Which is nice. Also I am doing an audition in august that may make me having a permanent address in good ole q-town a thing not needed ( I hope that's the case) more on that to come in August.
I don't really have much to say, although these days I have a ton on my mind. These past two months have been a dramatic whirlwind, and if I hadn't checked the dates on the calendar just this morning, I would not believe it has only been two months since everything started happening.
Various things have kept me from Ultimate for the past few weeks, and I find that to be depressing. I always miss it when I don't go, although I don't seem to be missed. Not on the field or off of it for that matter. Oh well, I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. And I suppose it's my fault really.
Anyway,

I haven't written for a while. Not like I used to. I did do some painting the other day, and that was great. I seem to be in a rut, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Maybe it's this town. I dunno, I think if the audition doesn't go the way I want it to I'll just move. Out of town, to someplace new. Someplace I can start over. Maybe even someplace on a different continent. I dunno. We'll see.

new Projects for Old ideas

I believe I shall record myself reading "IT" aloud. I don't know why, but something about that book fascinates me. I think it the genius of all the subtleties of the clown Pennywise that so many people miss. Well, they don't miss them, but they don't acknowledge them either. It's the subtleties that make Pennywise the basis of fear for so many people, child and adult alike. Those small nuances that we all see in ourselves that cause that irrational fear of an imaginary villain to plague us throughout our lives. Or maybe it's that we doubt the non-existence. Perhaps somewhere the fear is that Pennywise is REAL.

A good fear to have. Because Pennywise is real. He exists all over. He is the personification of intolerance, violence, misunderstanding, new ideas, sexual desire, hatred, anger, and unquestioned tradition. It is those things that he represents that thrive today. Unchecked almost by society. These things that we hold on to as a society. The ugly that hides behind the white picket fences and the buicks in the driveways. Racism, Abuse, Grudges that are held to long, Anger that boils inside the persecuted. That is what Pennywise represents.

All these things that we walk over, and don't talk about above a whisper. The small evils inside each of us that fly about invisible overhead. The ones that everyone sees, but nobody talks about. The secret carnal desires to kill and maim that we all harbor. Pennywise the clown, is the manifestation of all of that and more. He waits for his moment, he calculates his chances, he strikes on cue. Never misses a beat, never in quite the same way, but always with the same method. Always in the same places. The places that we walk right past, and ignore because without those places all that ugly that we hide would have no where to go when it finally gets tired of being dormant and ignored. The places that we shake our heads at, but don't tear down because we are afraid that that old, crusty clown will take of residence on our doorsteps if we tear down the not-so-secrets places that he lurks in with our permission. Our unspoken consent for his evil.

So, why a clown? Why not? The irony is that while most of the time we laugh at clowns, Pennywise laughs at us. He is colorful and tempting, we can't look away, even though we know we should. he is enticing, intoxicating, but he doesn't fool anyone. We can all see through his disguise. We can smell beneath the caramel corn and cotton candy, the rotting flesh, we can hear beneath the laughter and the sweetly lilting voice, the screams of terror and the gleeful undercurrent of evil intentions. BUt even though he doesn't fool us, he entertains us. Until he gets too close, then the fear seeps in and we run away screaming afraid of we may have been victim of, afraid also of what we may have unconsciously given him permission to do. And some of us, stare him in the face and allow him to put his putrid hands on our shoulder and usher us to our deaths, or to the deaths of someone else at our hands.

That is the real genius in Stephen Kings creation. The reality that it represents.

Getting creative in the kitchen

So, this week, my creative juices my flowing, quite literally in the Kitchen. In the past two days, I've come up with TWO new recipes and and gathered about 100 others from trusted on-line sources and friends. This is fun. The first one turned out really well, and the second one I will try tonight when I get home from work. But I thought I would share them:
# 1
This is basically two different types of chicken recipes (Italian crusted chicken, and Parmesan chicken) combined into one. The measures are guesses since i very rarely actually measure it all out, so feel free to do more or less of things to your tastes. Hope you like it!
-----------------------

Clara’s Italian Parmesan Stuffed Chicken

you will need:
4 large, boneless chicken breasts
1-2 cups of your favorite spaghetti sauce (homemade or pre-mixed, either is fine)

4 teaspoons ricotta cheese

2 cups of mixed shredded cheeses, asiago, Parmesan, mozzarella
2 cups dried bread crumbs
1 tablespoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon each dried oregano, dried basil, garlic powder, and onion powder
8-12 toothpicks
Large baking pan (I prefer glass)

directions:

Grease baking pan in whatever method you prefer (butter, spray, olive oil, etc)

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

In a medium mixing bowl, combine sauce, ricotta cheese, and shredded cheese mix. Stir well, set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, combine bread crumbs, parsley, oregano, basil, garlic powder, onion powder and set aside.

On wax paper, flatten the chicken breasts using whatever method you prefer, beat or roll or whatever.
Take flattened chicken breasts and cover them with the bread crumb mixture.

Return to wax paper flat side up.

Spoon the sauce and cheese mixture into the center of each crumb-coated chicken breast, leaving a little room around the edges.

Roll chicken breasts and secure with toothpicks.

Place in greased pan (seam side down), and bake on center rack in the oven, for approximately 45 minutes to an hour (cooking time vary with ovens) until chicken is cooked through and crumbs are slightly browned.

Remove from oven and serve with whatever sides you want.
---------------------------

#2:
Apple Raspberry Pork Chops

What you will need:

2 medium to large apples (whatever type you prefer, as long as they are not too mushy)
1 cup raspberries
cinnamon
butter
salt
4-6 pork chops
1 large skillet


directions:


Thinly slice apples, peeling is not required, but please don't use the core
lightly salt the pork chops
place butter (about 1 tsp) apple slices and raspberries into skillet on med-low heat. Add a dash of cinnamon (to taste) sautee.

remove 85% of apple slices and raspberries, but leave the juices in the skillet. Place pork chops in skillet and raise heat to med. Cook thoroughly.
Remove from skillet, cover with sauteed fruits, serve.

Waging War

It seems lately that everything has to be a battle of epic proportions. And why not? With the river rising to record levels, two-four levees breaking everyday, and rain coming. Why shouldn't everything in life follow suit? I see no logical reason. For example, today I got up early, got dressed, picked up James, ran an errand and headed down to the OLC for some sand-slinging fun. We arrived t about 20 after 9 and proceeded to skip past registration, (thankfully I had already done that) and head out to the overly crowded parking lot full of sand. Today, the place was packed. I mean full to overflowing with volunteers. Which is great, sort of. Yesterday they were begging for help, today it was hard to swing a shovel without knocking out the person next to you. Not that I would have minded knocking out the kids that were next to me. This huge group from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is there. And of course, they know everything. How to fill the bags up too much, and how to start a tossing chain for stacking that puts in within two feet of people who are wielding shovels full of sand on either side. How to start digging from the bottom rather than the top and make things for difficult for everyone working on that particular mound, and best of all...How to NOT listen when we tell them the proper way to fill a sandbag for a levy that is already 6 ft tall, and will have to be tossed by volunteers. Nope, they know everything. Hooray for them. So, two hours, and two-hundred and fifty sandbags later, we called it a day. Tired of fighting the Elders and the Sisters. We met chaz and sami for lunch, which was agreeable. Sort of.

Why sort of? Well, it has nothing to do with the company, the company was great. It has more to do with the next battle for me. The Battle for my Body. Weapons of Choice: Ultimate Frisbee, sandbagging, Swimming, Special K, and Hydroxycut. It's been almost two years since I gave birth, and to be frank. I am tired of being fat. Well, I'm not fat. I'm just out of shape and carrying around a bit of extra skin on my belly area.Which by the way, used to be home to a rather supple four-pack. I miss that. I miss not being self-conscious about my body. I miss my body. I want it back, and so I have added Hydroxycut to my arsenal. And by golly it works fast. I've never put this type of man-made "toxin" in my body before. I usually go organic with this type of thing. But organic is slow, and I've been fat, two years too long. And I'm done with it. Problem is, my body is not used to this type of assault, and I don't think it's taking it well. Oh it's working, I've drank more water today than I usually do in a month. I've also peed more. Not that you needed to know that. But apparently four hours between doses is not enough time for my system to process things. Because I'm tired. at 4 in the afternoon. This is not normal. Tired at 4 in the morning, sure, that is normal. And actually, fairly usual. I'm an active person, and I wake up around twilight, and am up and going till sometime around 3 am on most days. I have a feeling that Ultimate today, is probably a bad idea. I will go anyway, cause I am not sure, but we will see. I do know that people swear by this stuff, and judging by my reaction to it already, I should see results. I better see results. I am at the end of my rope here. I can't just do weight training, I tried that, it builds muscle underneath the extra skin, and does nothing for it. Cardio also doesn't help, and yoga just keeps me flexible. So it's this, or the doctors (not lipo or anything, a nutritionist and some type of prescribed something or other to help) and I hate doctors.

I also hate unresolved conflict. I am the type of person to face things full on, and in good time. I hate waiting things out. It seems in order to win this final battle in my life, I must do just that. wait. Until he is finally ready to talk. I wish he'd hurry up though, I am impatient, and I think this dumb. Well, not dumb, but I think it's dumb to put off dealing with it. Not my choice I guess. Oh well, whatever will be will be.

New Song!

It's called "Crushed" go listen to it

www.myspace.com/claraelizabethsings

Sandbags, Songs, and Storms of the heart

So, yesterday in an effort to do my part for the community, which is facing the possibility of the worst flood in it's history, I went sandbagging. Six long hours and 875 sandbags later, I was exhausted and as you can imagine today, I am sore and stiff despite the the stretching and hot baths. Sigh, oh well, it's worth it, and I'll probably do it again. I went with Mel, we started at the Oakley-Lindsey Center, and ended up at the tic toc motel. It was a good day, long, but good.

So, what else? Currently I am coming to make some decisions, it time I think to throw aside some things. Romantically of course. Hopefully in the process I can salvage a friendship that I hold dear, I'm not really quite sure how to do that yet, but I am going to my very best. It would seem that after all these years, some feeling never die, and some never change. Some do. I'm hoping in this case that one will be the later, and one will be the former. Nothing like vague explanations, huh.?
As is my usual practice in these situations, when I need to express myself, I have turned to poetry and song writing. The current song storming around in my brain is a slow jazzy tune, and while the lyrics are unfinished the chorus is done, so I thought I'd share:

You can hold on to the pain
You can turn and twist and blame
You can horde the past if you want to
But I think you should know
That I've cried my last tear
over you

---------------------------so yeah, it's not really done yet, a work in progress. My favorite kind.

Sorry to be so vague, but I think in some cases it's the way it should be. Especially in cases as sensitive as this one.

Also, news on the apartment front. Apparently our terrible landlord has decided that due to the fact that we left our molded furniture in the apartment, and he is now going to have to pay someone to go get it out, that we are not entitled to receiving our deposit back. I'm not surprised, I expected him to come up with some excuse, but we should be ok around the first week of july, so I guess all is well.

That's it for me at the moment.

check back for the full song when it's finished, and some other creative tidbits.

Questions, cause my friends answered them and I feel like returning the info...

Aparently this was started by Esther, and continued by Kayliegh, and now....I will do it too...not just because they did it and I'm a lame follower or anything, but because I think they are good questions worth of answering...

What is...
• 1 - What is something you dislike about yourself?
• 2 - What is something you do well?
• 3 - What is your favourite room in your home and why?
• 4 - What is a good neighbour?
• 5 - What is the worst thing parents can do to their children?
• 6 - What is your favourite time of day?
• 7 - What is your idea of a dull evening?

1.) I dislike my constantly changing amount of self-confidence. Most people see me as confident and capable, some people see me as arrogant, the people who really know me, know that I am truly insecure in many aspects of myself. At least, I am most days. But given the day that can change, My confidence can bust through the roof one day, and them fall into oblivion the next, and I wish that I could level it out somewhere at a healthy medium.
2) I do a lot of things well, write, sing, draw. But I think the thing I do the best is hide. I hide things that I know about people, and things that I know about myself. I hide behind ideas and circumstances when they arise, and I hide my feelings. Very few people truly know how I am feeling at any given moment. This may not be the type of answer the question was designed for, but it's true. I hide.
3) My favorite room has always been the bathroom. I'm not sure why, except that I love water and my favorite way to relax has always been to grab a good book, and fill the bathtub up with scalding hot water and soak myself in the immense steam and heat while I get lost in someones else's story for an hour or so. Plus, the bathroom is relatively safe from disturbances and I need alone time.
4) A good neighbor has nothing to do with proximity. A good neighbor is someone who takes the time to get to know you, and helps you when you need it. They expect nothing from you and are generally gregarious beings. In short, a good neighbor, is nothing more or less, than a good friend.
5)The worst thing a parent can do to their children is not believe in and support them. Children need strong role models who are willing to invest time and strength into their dreams, and those role models should be their parents. Parents who do not support their children, are basically leaving them to fend for themselves and telling them that they are not good enough, and that is something they will never forget.
6) I love twilight(nothing to do with books, I have never read them) I love the temperature and the colors, and watching the world wind down, it's relaxing, and it's in those hours that my imagination truly wakes up and I feel like I am alive from the inside out.
7) A dull evening is one spent in the company of dull and dimwitted people. If I am forced to be surrounded by people who take no joy in life and have no desire to be intelligent, then I will be bored to tears. I'd rather be alone than endure such company.

I have to write a funny song about this.....


This is an actual stained glass window in an actual Catholic church

"The Bad Priest Song"



ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

In The Booth They Tell Me
Secrets I Yearn to hear
I can tell them how to purge
their sins
If they'll only come here

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

So sweet the sound of Innocent voices
So succulent the taste of secret vices
How many times have I repented
but the devil has not relented
and I am still indulging

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Down on their knees the raise their hands
They pray to me, like little lambs
Never knowing that I'm going
to come
The seek forgiveness
and I give all I can
From within

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

-----------------------------------so, that's the bad priest song-------------------- it's a little creepy, but hey, I didn't make the window......

The Trials of the Rain

So, to start with, I think I will tell you a little bit about where I am in life.

Currently, I am in limbo. Between houses, dealing with the worst landlord I've ever dealt with, and technically homeless. You would think, that I would be having a much worse attitude, but honestly, I'm really happy in life at the moment. So, how did I get here?

Well, it all starts about six months ago when it was time for my Brother and I to get a new apartment, we looked around and FINALLY found a two-bedroom place, in our price range that allowed my cat. So we signed the lease, with the promise that the repairs that the place needed would soon be under way. So we moved in, and in the first month, a bat and a flying squirrel both came down out of our ceiling. This is not a good sign. Then, the bank we were renting from sold the place. Our new landlord seemed competent and like a generally nice guy who had big plans for the place. So we were happy with the change.

Almost immediately the new landlord got a crew out to cut down a dangerous old tree and start working on the roof. Both good things, or at least, they should have been good things. However, our new landlord was cheap, he cut corners, and ticked off people. So they called the inspectors, and he was ordered to put on an entirely new roof. Which, quit frankly the place needed. Anyway, again he cut corners, and hired people with no qualification to do the job. Then he fired them, halfway through tearing off the roof.

At this point, both my brother and I were staying with friends for different reasons, but I was over to the apartment everyday to check on my LeStat (my kitty) and make sure he had food and water, and human time, ect. He was in good health, lonely, but fine.

So, the landlord fired the people working on the roof, and what happened next? It stormed. For two or three days. I went to the apartment as usual to check on LeStat, and was greeted with quit possibly the worst smell to ever accost my nostrils, and my ceiling was now my floor. My wet, moldy, deceased animal carcass covered floor. hooray. Disgusting. I call my brother, he calls the landlord. I check on the cat, make sure he has a way out of the apartment if he needs it, and head to work.

THE NEXT DAY. I go back, it had rained again, and there were more pieces of the ceiling on the floor, and low and behold, my cat was ill. Now cats are much more capable of recovering from mold poisons and things than humans, so I followed the advice of my mom, and set him up at a friends to watch for 24 hours before taking him to the vet. He didn't improve, in fact he died. We call the landlord to tell him about the toxic mold that exists in his house. We still haven't heard back from him about the ceiling yet.

That night, I head to my apartment to pick up some shower things, and to my astonishment the place has been "cleaned up". There are new tiles in the ceiling, a vacuum has been run, but if you look, you see that the moldy insulation has not been touched. Merely recovered. I call my brother again and tell him of the new development. We decide then and there, that it's time to move out. It's obvious to us that our landlord will not be fixing the problem. This was on Friday night.

Saturday morning I go to work, and I receive a phone call, from my landlord. In this phone call he tells me that I am lying about my cat being dead, and that if I'm not lying it has nothing to do with the ceiling. He also tells me that because we have not paid the rent yet that month he was going to be forced to lock our belongings up in storage. And lock us out. The call itself was longer than this, but I don't feel like writing it all out. By the time I got off the phone, I was irate, furious, to the point of tears. My boss sends me home, with the promise of help if I need it. I tell my brother what happened. He calls the Landlord, who FINALLY answers his phone. Now, with my brother it's different story. It's much more polite and professional, and we are given the weekend to move out. So we pack our stuff up in storage, and in the back of our truck, and make an attempt to clean the place up. Now we are waiting for the landlord to give us our deposit back so that we can put it down on a new place, hopefully at The Trace, they have a pool after all.

The other pieces of my life are just as complicated, but not as much of a story. I have started a band that is yet to named, created a music page(http://www.myspace.com/claraelizabethsings), started looking for new job, a new apartment, and returned to playing Ultimate. I've also developed and uber crush and very deep feelings for one of friends, unfortunately for me, these feelings are not returned. But that happens to everyone at some point I suppose.

So, even though I am currently without residence (I have a place to stay, don't worry) My life is pretty much on the up. My music is getting underway, I graduated college, and I have big travel plans for next year. And that is pretty much the update for my life so far.

until next time
DV

So, now I have my own place to talk about stuff...

Hey everyone

Just a hello from me, the creator of this blog. Here I will vent about my frustrations, ramble about my musings, gush about the things that I love, and the people too, get creative, post stories and poems and lyrics, and generally talk.

I hope you enjoy reading!