when rest becomes a torture chamber how do you recover

It has been a while since I have updated. So here goes. I am having dreams. Some of them are terribly horrible nightmares, some should be pleasant but the real world makes them cut like diamond edged knife. So, I'm not sleeping well. I stay awake till can't stand to awake anymore and I jerk myself out of my dream sleep at least three times a night, and one of those times if not all I'm usually in tears. So if I am or have been cranky, I apologize.

I get myself into the most foolish situations sometimes. I am not a fool, but I still make stupid choices. I hope that soon, I will have a handle on everything going on. I don't feel like going into details. Sorry.

On the flip side. I am now the proud occupant of a CLEAN apartment (if you don't count my bedroom which is the last room on the priority list for cleaning). I have a fantastic new roomie. Some fabulous friends, both old and new, and a lot of promising things coming up in my future. I think. I hope. I believe. It's hard to stay positive these days. I miss my brother. I like being on my own again, but I miss his company. I miss that security that he brought with him, I was never afraid while he was around. I'm sure he will be much happier where he is though, and that is more important.

It would seem that I am in less than good spirits by this post. Which is true to a point, but not really. I am actually really enjoying my life. It's just a hard place right now. Looking forward to getting my next tat. So excited about that.

Not really much else to say I guess, other than to Kayleigh, we need to go take pictures together again soon. k.