Waging War

It seems lately that everything has to be a battle of epic proportions. And why not? With the river rising to record levels, two-four levees breaking everyday, and rain coming. Why shouldn't everything in life follow suit? I see no logical reason. For example, today I got up early, got dressed, picked up James, ran an errand and headed down to the OLC for some sand-slinging fun. We arrived t about 20 after 9 and proceeded to skip past registration, (thankfully I had already done that) and head out to the overly crowded parking lot full of sand. Today, the place was packed. I mean full to overflowing with volunteers. Which is great, sort of. Yesterday they were begging for help, today it was hard to swing a shovel without knocking out the person next to you. Not that I would have minded knocking out the kids that were next to me. This huge group from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is there. And of course, they know everything. How to fill the bags up too much, and how to start a tossing chain for stacking that puts in within two feet of people who are wielding shovels full of sand on either side. How to start digging from the bottom rather than the top and make things for difficult for everyone working on that particular mound, and best of all...How to NOT listen when we tell them the proper way to fill a sandbag for a levy that is already 6 ft tall, and will have to be tossed by volunteers. Nope, they know everything. Hooray for them. So, two hours, and two-hundred and fifty sandbags later, we called it a day. Tired of fighting the Elders and the Sisters. We met chaz and sami for lunch, which was agreeable. Sort of.

Why sort of? Well, it has nothing to do with the company, the company was great. It has more to do with the next battle for me. The Battle for my Body. Weapons of Choice: Ultimate Frisbee, sandbagging, Swimming, Special K, and Hydroxycut. It's been almost two years since I gave birth, and to be frank. I am tired of being fat. Well, I'm not fat. I'm just out of shape and carrying around a bit of extra skin on my belly area.Which by the way, used to be home to a rather supple four-pack. I miss that. I miss not being self-conscious about my body. I miss my body. I want it back, and so I have added Hydroxycut to my arsenal. And by golly it works fast. I've never put this type of man-made "toxin" in my body before. I usually go organic with this type of thing. But organic is slow, and I've been fat, two years too long. And I'm done with it. Problem is, my body is not used to this type of assault, and I don't think it's taking it well. Oh it's working, I've drank more water today than I usually do in a month. I've also peed more. Not that you needed to know that. But apparently four hours between doses is not enough time for my system to process things. Because I'm tired. at 4 in the afternoon. This is not normal. Tired at 4 in the morning, sure, that is normal. And actually, fairly usual. I'm an active person, and I wake up around twilight, and am up and going till sometime around 3 am on most days. I have a feeling that Ultimate today, is probably a bad idea. I will go anyway, cause I am not sure, but we will see. I do know that people swear by this stuff, and judging by my reaction to it already, I should see results. I better see results. I am at the end of my rope here. I can't just do weight training, I tried that, it builds muscle underneath the extra skin, and does nothing for it. Cardio also doesn't help, and yoga just keeps me flexible. So it's this, or the doctors (not lipo or anything, a nutritionist and some type of prescribed something or other to help) and I hate doctors.

I also hate unresolved conflict. I am the type of person to face things full on, and in good time. I hate waiting things out. It seems in order to win this final battle in my life, I must do just that. wait. Until he is finally ready to talk. I wish he'd hurry up though, I am impatient, and I think this dumb. Well, not dumb, but I think it's dumb to put off dealing with it. Not my choice I guess. Oh well, whatever will be will be.